Monday 23 November 2015

Brotherly love

When I was fourteen Mam took me for food,
I could sense something was different, a change in her mood.
As the chip missed my mouth and fell down from my fork,
She casually told me she'd been visited by the stork. 
At first it was gross, I mean she was like a hundred and one,
With me as her child, I thought she was done.
You looked like a bean on your sonogram pic, 
A weird little monster who started to kick.
I used to call you bro-sis before I knew who you were,
I ignored your existence until they said you were here. 
With curly dark hair and big sparkling eyes,
The love you made me feel took me by surprise. 
In the area we lived people thought you were mine,
A promiscuous teenager drunk on cheap wine. 
I watched you grow and develop and age,
I gulped the first time you wrote your name on the page.
I knew you were special and you've proven me right,
You're kind and funny and incredibly bright. 
I could not be prouder to call you my brother,
So many things you have helped me discover.
I know I might not see you every day, 
When I went off to uni I moved far away.
But I am always behind you in whatever you do,
When we put mother in a home it'll be just us two. 

Saturday 14 November 2015

The Blame Game

It is natural when bad things happen to need someone to blame. It gives us the ability to distance ourselves from it. "That wouldn't happen to me because..." Or "That won't happen anymore if we just get rid of..." Helps us make sense of something we cannot always understand. But the truth is. This has happened before. It will happen again. Reading any history book you will see pages of good things that happened, examples of human kindness, monumental moments that fill us with hope and a sense of justice. Bad times that brought people together. But at the heart of a lot of these positives there was often a foundation of violence and conflict. There have been wars, murder, terrorism, segregation, slavery and many other horrible examples of human cruelty and thirst for conflict from the cavemen hitting each other with clubs to hitler's genocide. In every example of this kind of atrocity the hatred was fuelled by the orchestrator finding someone to pin the blame on, allowing them to act as puppeteer and fuelling prejudices to divide. Superiority complexes and irrational thoughts combined to make usually rational human beings think incredible things. If a German guy with a little moustache knocked on your door today and said "people with blonde hair and blue eyes are superior, let's all hate the Jews" you would think him mad. If men in white hoods came around and asked if they could hang "inferior" black people in your yard you would call the police and think them insane. If the government decided to kill all gay people, take away the vote for women, bring back forced child labour, you would fight. You would think no, this is not right. So why do we now allow these manipulations to colour our view of our world. People will study us and they will ask "why did they just blame everything on the Muslims". Was it easier than looking at humanity itself and accepting that the problem is much deeper. You cannot force bad people into a box and categorise them based on their religion, their race or any other factor you are comfortable "isn't like me". What we need to look at is the state of our world. Corrupt governments and scary dictator's like Putin with God complex's. He is already attempting to blame homosexuals for the problems in Russia. What happened in Paris is an example of an increase in acts of horrific violence across the world. The only way to fight violence is with solidarity, is not allowing one person or a small group to divide us. Peace is achieved through many methods but a world divided is a world conquered. I do not claim to know how we achieve this.
But I do know that it is our only hope of preventing World War III.

Friday 13 November 2015

Wallflower

Today the words are someone else's though they seem plucked from my brain. If you have not seen this movie. Watch it. Savour these moments. Live them. Even if tomorrow seems impossible you will always have right now. Be infinite. 


Wednesday 4 November 2015

The Wolf

The wolf came hunting after dark, on a journey he would soon embark,
To lay beside the dreamers bed and awaken the shadows in her head. 
He crept in silence with his sharpened claws, when she stirred he slowed, softened his paws, 
He bared his teeth and arched his back,
A predatory stance ready to attack.
He clawed her skin and left his mark,
Controlling his instinct, releasing no bark,
His heated breath upon her neck,
He stood surveying this broken wreck.
He could not protect a creature so weak,
This mass of flesh was yet to speak.
She watched him with her innocent eyes,
If she felt it she showed no surprise.
Her guardian's grin seemed sincere, 
His job was to lay here, sedate all her fear. 
She lay back wearily and closed her eyes, thought of fairytales and conjured a lie,
The tears falling down her face, the wolf bedded in taking his place, "be brave" he said to no reply and "and remember what I told you, big girls don't cry". 
When streaming in came the morning light, the beast prepared to leap out of sight. 
"I only appear in your dreams, I am not as real as these walls and beams",
She kept his memory locked inside,
in her unconscious he would reside.
After many years she opened up the cage,
"And now Mr Wolf we must finish the page".
A story that was left unwritten, she showed him the skin where she'd been bitten. 
It's not that I want you to be released, I was not sorry that your visits had abruptly ceased,
It's time you evaporated like the dreams there before you,
For too long Mr Wolf I have tried to ignore you. 


Tuesday 3 November 2015

Invasion of the energy snatchers

She lay under the covers, the tap dripped in a constant rhythm in time with her fast beating heart. The rain fell steadily against the window and she tapped her fingers along with it. She felt paralysed yet she was aware of every nerve ending. The tingling sensation and the swoop in her stomach. She sat on the edge of the bed. Climbed back under and pulled the duvet above her head. Her breathing faltered and alternated between fast sharp intakes that burned her lungs and long slow rasping inhalation. She moved her feet against the bed frame. Partly in time with the sounds, partly to reassure herself she was still conscious, still breathing. She closed her eyes and watched the shadows of her dreams behind the lids. She opened them slowly blinking and starred. At nothing in particular. Eyes wide and pupils dilated. She tried to grasp for a thought. Nothing came. She was blank, vacant. She lost the ability to speak, to comprehend. She felt like a child. Vulnerable and disorientated. She brushed the skin on her arm and massaged the site of searing pain on her temple. She felt as if all life and energy, even the parts of her that were dedicated to overthinking had drained through her body that was sinking into the mattress. Every limb weighed down. Every cell in her body struggled to remain afloat as she sunk further into oblivion. She did nothing but stay in that position until an uneasy exhaustion took her into a disturbed sleep. She woke not knowing who she was. For a moment it was comforting, followed by terrifying and disappointing when she was able to focus enough to remember. She rose only to do the things that were necessary. She forgot how to dress, how to sit, how to communicate.She was trapped inside a cracked shell. The floating rational version slept. Unable to awake like a twisted sleeping beauty. Not even true love's kiss would bring her back to life today. She traced the walls with her fingers feeling the cool plaster and lingered by the dim glow of the lamp, transfixed by the glare. She felt she had been there before. Was it deja vu or Groundhog Day. The worst place to be trapped is inside yourself. She looked at the reflection in the mirror. Pale, worn and aged. She could not muster enough energy to care. Time stopped and every second intensified the sinking sensation. The muscles on her face strained to smile. It seemed alien. Her whole body felt like it did not belong to her. She accepted the inevitability that today it was achievement enough to be.