Brain Poem

Everything that you do is always completely wrong,
That's why people around you won't stick around for very long.
They are obviously lying when they say that you are nice,
What does that word mean anyway, why can't I take my own advice.
Your body is disgusting, your brain a twisted mess,
They're thinking the same, you are always to blame but these thoughts they wont confess.
On the streets they look at you, they can see it in your eyes,
You've learned to hide for so long, it still comes as a surprise.
A rush of potent chemicals, the evil you can't see,
The moment you would rather be anything, anyone but me.
You know the mask is slipping,
 They can see the cracks appearing.
You start to come undone, become 'no fun', can you help I'm disappearing.
Insecurity your only friend whispering in your ear,
Don't open yourself up again, wallow in the fear.
No positive can survive the spiral of self doubt,
A negative spin will always win, the loudest voices shout.
Feel an emotion and analyse what's meant by every reaction,
Longing to be numb, fighting not to succumb, looking for distraction.
Sabotage to the wounded brain seems the only way out,
If people fuck you over then you have a reason to scream and shout.
Tear stained eyes the window to a body filled with pain,
Shall I be a cliche and go dancing in the rain.
How can I believe the best when I struggle with the worse,
I want a new brain, I need to retrain, give me the time to rehearse.

The Wolf

The wolf came hunting after dark, on a journey he would soon embark,

To lay beside the dreamers bed and awaken the shadows in her head. 

He crept in silence with his sharpened claws, when she stirred he slowed, softened his paws, 

He bared his teeth and arched his back,

A predatory stance ready to attack.

He clawed her skin and left his mark,

Controlling his instinct, releasing no bark,

His heated breath upon her neck,

He stood surveying this broken wreck.

He could not protect a creature so weak,

This mass of flesh was yet to speak.

She watched him with her innocent eyes,

If she felt it she showed no surprise.

Her guardian's grin seemed sincere, 

His job was to lay here, sedate all her fear. 

She lay back wearily and closed her eyes, thought of fairytales and conjured a lie,

The tears falling down her face, the wolf bedded in taking his place, "be brave" he said to no reply and "and remember what I told you, big girls don't cry". 

When streaming in came the morning light, the beast prepared to leap out of sight. 

"I only appear in your dreams, I am not as real as these walls and beams",

She kept his memory locked inside,

in her unconscious he would reside.

After many years she opened up the cage,

"And now Mr Wolf we must finish the page".

A story that was left unwritten, she showed him the skin where she'd been bitten. 

It's not that I want you to be released, I was not sorry that your visits had abruptly ceased,

It's time you evaporated like the dreams there before you,

For too long Mr Wolf I have tried to ignore you. 

Ruby

In memory of Ruby Winter. No greater or more beautiful hedgehog ever lived...


Puckered skin white as snow, 

Nestled in the morning glow.

Sharpened spines on prickling hind,

Shuffling through your daily grind.

Eyes like rubies shining bright,

Gently slumber until the night. 

Through the leaves on dampened ground,

A home for the morning desperate to be found,

Over hedges, streams and trees,

Rain and thunder, a gentle breeze. 

Awake to find it was all a dream,

Walls and sofas, ceilings and beams. 

A sleepy growl as her hand appears,

Her face alleviates all your fears.

Chewing bugs as she holds you tight,

Maybe just another bite.