True happiness lies in Lemon Meringue Pie

Mania. Noun. Excessive excitement or enthusiasm. I have reached the next stage and I cannot say I am sorry to see the back of the extreme darkness. I know it won't always be like this. If life were only highs how could you truly value them. But I've taken a big sword and cut down the brambles for now. The pricks will no doubt dent my skin again but for now my medication has created a lovely cotton wool cloud. I am floating on it above the bad bits. I can still see them. The bad images seem to move in slow motion beneath me, but today, they cannot touch me.

To describe mania is difficult because it is not necessarily genuine happiness. It is another extreme on the road to finding a balance. Extreme happy reactions to things you normally don't react to like that is a bit disconcerting. You are in a bubble and reality seems detached from your body. I laugh, I smile, I feel the endorphins coursing through my blood and it's pleasant. But I know laughing hysterically at a door is not most people's interpretation of 'natural' emotion. It's like going from being Eeyore one day to Tigger the next, when really you should be Winnie the Pooh.

The best thing is how it effects how you think about things. And it happens so quickly. Where as yesterday the world would end if you had to speak to someone, today you want to go out and meet new people. Work is mostly spent organising. I move desks and the physical demands on my body feel good. When you're consumed by things going on in your mind it's a comfort to move things around. I become aware that although my mood has lifted the OCD within me is coming out with this process. I like things to be symmetrical. I like to see patterns. Personally I blame too much Tetris in the 90's. I spend time arranging it and it's funny how a clear desk brings me a clearer mind. I finish early and head home. It feels good to have a mind that's focusing on the dishes or trying to remember to use the Anthea Turner inside out technique to change the bed. There is something about fresh bedding. Usually makes me think of Christmas or a Birthday. Little thoughts excite me like a drink, watching a tv programme I like and devouring this Lemon Meringue Pie. Today the thought that my yesterday's could have stopped me seeing the sky or laughing at that joke makes me ache with relief.