There's a Pumpkin in the Apple shop

Sometimes you wake up and decide you're going to be a pumpkin. Not that you're going to go sit in a patch of dirt and be orange or anything. Just that decisions need to be made about halloween costumes and you decide naturally this is the only option. The following things were determinative factors - 

1. Perfectly acceptable to look fat in pictures. I mean pumpkins are naturally rotund. You wouldn't want a skinny pumpkin. 

2. Best in current frame of mind to go with comedy option. Alternatives would obviously be slutty/scary. 

3. No concern about make up. Orange face will also fit in with the over-tanned.

4. Believe it or not it's a really comfortable costume and who doesn't want a stalk hat placed at jaunty angle. 

5. Chances of anyone else being dressed as the same are minimal. 

Process was actually rather painless. Went to the little random shop and a man in a porkpie hat lead me down to the basement. Totally black market stuff pumpkins. Luckily man was not serial killer and actually got to try costume on. No risk of accidentally cleavage in this one at least.

I also managed to replace my iPhone. Now if you've ever been in an apple shop it makes you feel like you've transported into the future where everyone is a robot. The 'Genius bar' was nowhere near as glamorous as I was lead to expect. Neither could you purchase any fruit. 

If you haven't read Sue Perkins autobiography yet, do it. Be warned that it may cause spontaneous laughter in Starbucks which may make you seem like a crazy person. It did not however stop a family of 3 sitting next to me. I must admit I was slightly distracted by the clearly flustered mother whispering 'not know Joshua, mummy will smack' in increasingly elevated volumes. 

I feel like another cloud has cleared from the sky. The numbness has come but with it comes the clarity that always follows. I sat and I thought. But the thoughts were not inherently bad. I thought about the things I feel bad about. The self blame always an instinctual response but this time my inner voice was arguing back. Maybe everything isn't your fault. 

Another small step.

Maybe everything isn't your fault.